What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
