At least make sure they are 18
Why
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
