and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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