i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I am naked and annoyed.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
