And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
