I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
