That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
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Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
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pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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