he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
