Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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