it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
