The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
