trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
