forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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