So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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