I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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