I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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