All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
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Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
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I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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