Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
