Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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