you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
