He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
