If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
