Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
