I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
When did angry sex become our thing?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
