im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
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he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
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you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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