seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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