wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
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on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
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i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
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