If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
