Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
