How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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