When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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