3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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