i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
