a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
