wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
