$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
