im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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