He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
