you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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