You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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