my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
