The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
