I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
