Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
We just shotgunned beers for America
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
