I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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