I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
She told me I should be a condom model.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
