You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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