My friends, they love my intelligence
My sheets look like a crime scene.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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