he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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