The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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