Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Two words: blizzard sex
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
