i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize