Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
