i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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