Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
