Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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