Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
