first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
