i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
True strength comes from lack of pants
Randomize
