I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
