so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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