look no pants
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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