You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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