She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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