wat bout pragnant strippers??
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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