You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
