I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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