I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
