he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
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I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
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Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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