new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Terrible idea I love it
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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