just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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