is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
