only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
