you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
