Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
