wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
