I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
