sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
