8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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