Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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