things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i think i have herpe
just one?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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